Explorations
by Rhina
Summary: Hilde's thoughts on a very confusing personal issue. Strict POV


I never thought much about my sexuality

This is a Hilde POV fic.It's OCC and slightly AU.

It's different than anything ever written – as this is the first

time I've ever written as a character.It was a very interesting

write and ended up being perhaps a little more personal than

I originally intended.It was just an idea that popped into

my head one night and has begged to be written ever since.

I think there's more than this, but I'm not sure that anyone

would be interested in reading it…..

Title: Explorations

Author: Rhina

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WARNING: Language, implied 2+H and yuri overtones

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Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing – so I don't get a thing

from this!

C&C really appreciated with this….

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I never thought much about my sexuality.

All right, so that's kind of a lie.I thought about it as much as

any person.But what it always boiled down to was that I like

men.

I like men a lot.Hell, you only have to know what really

goes on between me and Duo to understand that.It's pretty

simple really.We enjoy sex – a lot.There's very little that

we haven't tried and then only because we haven't been able

to afford the entire play room yet!

But really I just like men.I like how different they are than

me.The roughness of their legs against mine.The firmness of

their chest.Their hands – so long and square and masculine.

Duo is all of those things and more.His lean hips and his

gorgeous violet eyes.He attracted me the moment that we

met and he looked at me over the top of those sunglasses.

Damn he was fine.And even years later he still is.

But lately, I've been thinking.Thinking about things that I

shouldn't.Thoughts that scare me and well, turn me on at the

same time.

Duo and I have never really talked about inviting other people

to share in our play.Well, never seriously in any case.We've 

joked about adding in the 'perfect soldier' or the look on Wufei's

face if we propositioned him.And he's made that wish that

most guys do of wanting to have more than one girl in his bed.

But nothing serious.

Until now.

Now it's different.There's someone that I've been thinking 

about….Someone that I've been nearly obsessed with.

Duo's all for it of course.The more the merrier in his book

and he's certainly always been a little bit fascinated with her….

It's just that….

But I guess I'd better start back at the beginning.

It all kind of came about when Duo and I moved from L2.For

a couple of years after the war, we ran the scrap yard and worked

as Sweepers.It was good work and there was a lot to do.We 

enjoyed it and Duo got a chance to really hone his skills as a

mechanic.We were lovin' and fuckin' and having a good time.

Eventually though, we ran out of things to do.Work slowed and

we were considering what to do next.Neither of us really wanted

to leave L2 at the time, but we needed to find some additional

source of income.There's nothing worse than being 20 and nearly

unemployed!

At that time, Une came to see us.She wanted to hire Duo and

bring him to work as the chief engineer for the Preventers.Things

were busy still for them and there was never anyone qualified 

enough to take care of all the mechanics that they needed.Plus

she wanted someone she could trust and for that she was sure that

Duo was the wisest choice.

I still don't think I understand why she thought she could trust him,

but that's really neither here nor there.

It was a pretty awesome job offer for Duo, but it meant a change.

A big change.We'd have to move to Earth to be near Preventer

Headquarters.

We talked for a long time about it.I'd never really lived anywhere

but L2.I wasn't sure that I could go.This was my home, this is

where my friends were, but the man I loved wanted to go to Earth.

He wanted the promise of a good future for us.So I figured it was

at least worth a try.We agreed to go for six months and then see

how things were from there.

The first couple of months were hard and lonely, but then Duo 

helped me get a job with the Preventers.It wasn't anything really

exciting, but I was good at it and enjoyed making new friends.

And we got to see some of the other pilots with more regularity.

Heero was around quite a bit, working on different projects for

Une and Trowa and Quatre stopped by once in a while.But it

was Wufei and Sally that we saw the most of.

We had attended their wedding only months before we moved to

Earth and they had really come together as a couple.They were

fun to be around.You would not believe how much marriage to

Sally has made Wufei lighten up.Oh I know, he still gets on his

high horse about justice once in awhile, but he can be lots of

fun too.

You should see him when he's drunk!What a laugh and a half!

I've never seen anything so fucking funny in all my life and

Sally just laughs and laughs at him.She says it serves him right –

displaying such weakness.

Yeah, we've become good friends with Wufei and Sally.We do

things together with them often – barbeques, movies and the

like.It's good to have another couple to get together with and

do things.Really nice to have the company and someone to

talk to other than Duo all the time.

Actually, I've become really close to Sally.I've never had such

a good friend as Sally.I didn't think that I'd like her when we

first met.I kind of thought she'd be prim and proper and to be

honest, I didn't remember too much about her from when we

first met on board the Peacemillion.But then, I wasn't there

very long and we barely exchanged two words.

She just had this air of command and authority that kind of put

me off back then.A lot of it had to do with her being older and

serving for her beliefs for a lot longer than I had.

Then we'd met again on and off after the war and then that thing

with Marimaya.But we were never close and not really what I

would even consider friends.

Once Duo and I moved to Earth, she was around a lot more, both

with and without Wufei.We went out to lunch a couple of times 

and she showed me some great places to shop and find things that 

I needed.Slowly, we began to talk.I mean really talk.

We found out that we actually have a lot in common.We've

talked about cooking and crafts.And she's taught me some

things and I've taught her.There's been laughs and late night

talks and chocolate – lots of chocolate.

I've never really had a girl friend before.And never someone

I'd consider a best friend.But I really think that's what Sally

has become.

There isn't anything that we can't talk about – from men to

family to sex.We've covered it all.Lots of it has been in late

night talks when she would come and stay with me while Duo

and Wufei were off on a mission.

We've become close.Very close.

But now I'm thinking other things about her.Things that could

change our relationship forever.Things that I don't think that

I should think about a girl friend.

At first, I thought maybe just any woman would do, but I

certainly didn't look at Une or Relena or Catherine, who's a

lot of fun, in the same way.It was only Sally that sparked

those thoughts, those wicked wicked ideas.

I'm noticing things that I don't think I should.Like how soft

her skin is.How her blue eyes sparkle.How beautiful she is

with her hair all down.How sexy she can look in flannel 

pajamas.

I keep cursing myself for noticing these things about my

friend.My friend for fuck's sake!I shouldn't be thinking these

things about my friend!I could ruin it – ruin everything that

we have!

But yet, I can't stop myself.The thoughts swirl around and get

thicker and thicker in my mind.

I finally talked to Duo about this a couple of weeks ago.Of 

course his immediate reaction was pure male 'wow, two females

in my bed!Do I get to watch you go down on her?' and it went

downhill from there.After I finally managed to get him to listen

to me and hear my concerns, he did understand.But his only

solution was that I needed to talk to Sally about this as he's for

anything that (a) makes me happy and (b) turns me on.

Great.

Talk to Sally about the fact that I want her.What a fucking 

wonderful solution.

But since I can't come up with anything better, I guess its what

I am stuck with.

So I did it.

Well, kind of.

She came over the next night and we stayed up late talking once

more.We drank a little and I finally turned the topic to the

subject of sex and wormed the idea of woman on woman

things right in there.She was just drunk enough to answer the

question honestly.

She said it intrigued her.She'd thought about it, but certainly

never did anything about it.It would, of course, have to be with

someone she cared about, but she didn't think it was likely to

happen.She didn't know anyone like that.

We talked about Wufei and Duo's views on the subject, both

for it if you couldn't have guessed.And that was it.

I never mentioned me or my thoughts on the matter.And we

turned the talk to other things.I'm sure she forgot all about

even talking about it the minute the conversation moved on.

When Duo got home, he was disappointed to find out that 

nothing had happened.I just shrugged it off and went about

living my life the way that I normally did.

Duo persisted in talking to me about.He began to write fantasies

about me and Sally and send them to me at work or home or 

whispered them in my ear late at night.My imagination

was working over time thinking about making them a reality.

I was going crazy.My body was screaming with need and

want.

So finally I admitted to myself that I needed to talk to her

about this.I mean really talk.I had to bring it up before I

made myself a wreck thinking about it, obsessing about it,

all the time.

So when it came up that Duo and Wufei needed to head out

to fulfill some short mission for the next two days, I decided

that there was no time like the present.Sally was certainly

agreeable to coming over and spending the night with me.

So we'll talk.

And we'll see were if goes from there.

I'm just a LITTLE nervous.All right, a lot nervous.

There's the bell.

Here goes nothin'……….

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So do I go on or leave it there?

Any thoughts?

Thanks for reading!

^_^

Rhina


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